Let's go all the way back. That's right, all the way. Well, maybe not exactly to the moment of conception (remember "sexy time"?). But let's take the moment this evil piss-stick turned whatever means pregnant.
Now, don't get me wrong. For myself, I can say that, as somebody put it, it was unplanned but it was not unwanted. Hence, poor little me who has always had ovaries problems and was repetedly told by doctors that there is no chance of getting pregnant unless I undergo laser surgery, takes a test in the toilet in IKEA (drop-dead romantic and worth remembering, right?) just to feel my legs turn to jelly at the complete imporbability of it turning positive, followed by me rushing out, stabbing my significant other with the peed-on stick and bursting into tears.
Not exactly the happy mommy reaction, huh. Well, I have news for you - nobody expects you to be jumping up and down in joy (unless of course you've been trying to conceive real bad). Confusion and fright are very likely the first feelings that come up, especially if it was not exactly planned.
The thing is, many women take it as a bad sign, and later on rebuke themselves for being a bad person and not feeling completely happy for the "blessing sent their way". Hell, this is hammered upon us everywhere: commercials, cheesy mommy websites (yes I will be bitching about these quite a lot, so better get used to it), leaflets, baby clothes, the undiying portrail of women's life purpose in being mothers (embraced by TV and conservative white elderly males in politics alike). So you are not feeling like you're fulfilling your life's purpose right now, but more like the ground has opened up in front of your feet? Welcome to the club.
Don't even get me started on expectations imposed on women by society. This can fill many a page and put me in a state of rampaging rage for several hours, but this is not really the purpose right now. What I am trying to say is, whatever you're feeling, it's YOU who are feeling it and thus it is fine. You are NOT a bad person and you should NOT act in a way somebody else expects you to act, just because "everybody does that". Think. Feel. Figure it out. Get help if you must. But never tell yourself your feeling is wrong.
This is also the time to arrange a visit with your doctor ASAP, and the time to make a very important decision. There are two roads ahead of you, and it is entirely up to you (of course your partner is involved as well, but the decision is ultimately yours) what will happen next. For me, this was the worst week I have ever known. The fact that I had to choose one road or another, to keep it or not to keep it, and that there was only this far that I could consult others about it - in the end it is me who must decide. Time is never right. I was on the verge of leaving for a foreign country to work over 6 months, and everything was fixed already. Worst possible timing. But I chose to keep it. And believe me, just to be very clear - religious beliefs or guilt had nothing to do with it. I am a firm supporter of women being able to make informed decisions about their own bodies, and I respect their conscious choices, whatever they are. In my case, I chose the hard mode.
Crying is something else completely normal at this point. Out of desperation, fear, uncertainty or mere hormones, it is all fine and well. Waterworks starting at the weirdest of places is also ok - in the bus, or in the middle of the night, or just plain out of the blue as you're engaged in something entirely different. Instruct your inner circle to not mind you - it's not something they did or said; you do not need to be calmed down: you just need to pour it all out. Support from your significant other or other close people is the best you can have. Apart from a glass or three of vodka. But wait -- not now, bitch. And THIS is where you feel like killing someone for the first time in a long long run. Unless you're a smoker of course. We will return to my favorite two vices in a bit. For now, remember you are not a bad person and there is no "right" reaction to the NEWS. Ok?
Now, don't get me wrong. For myself, I can say that, as somebody put it, it was unplanned but it was not unwanted. Hence, poor little me who has always had ovaries problems and was repetedly told by doctors that there is no chance of getting pregnant unless I undergo laser surgery, takes a test in the toilet in IKEA (drop-dead romantic and worth remembering, right?) just to feel my legs turn to jelly at the complete imporbability of it turning positive, followed by me rushing out, stabbing my significant other with the peed-on stick and bursting into tears.
Not exactly the happy mommy reaction, huh. Well, I have news for you - nobody expects you to be jumping up and down in joy (unless of course you've been trying to conceive real bad). Confusion and fright are very likely the first feelings that come up, especially if it was not exactly planned.
The thing is, many women take it as a bad sign, and later on rebuke themselves for being a bad person and not feeling completely happy for the "blessing sent their way". Hell, this is hammered upon us everywhere: commercials, cheesy mommy websites (yes I will be bitching about these quite a lot, so better get used to it), leaflets, baby clothes, the undiying portrail of women's life purpose in being mothers (embraced by TV and conservative white elderly males in politics alike). So you are not feeling like you're fulfilling your life's purpose right now, but more like the ground has opened up in front of your feet? Welcome to the club.
Don't even get me started on expectations imposed on women by society. This can fill many a page and put me in a state of rampaging rage for several hours, but this is not really the purpose right now. What I am trying to say is, whatever you're feeling, it's YOU who are feeling it and thus it is fine. You are NOT a bad person and you should NOT act in a way somebody else expects you to act, just because "everybody does that". Think. Feel. Figure it out. Get help if you must. But never tell yourself your feeling is wrong.
This is also the time to arrange a visit with your doctor ASAP, and the time to make a very important decision. There are two roads ahead of you, and it is entirely up to you (of course your partner is involved as well, but the decision is ultimately yours) what will happen next. For me, this was the worst week I have ever known. The fact that I had to choose one road or another, to keep it or not to keep it, and that there was only this far that I could consult others about it - in the end it is me who must decide. Time is never right. I was on the verge of leaving for a foreign country to work over 6 months, and everything was fixed already. Worst possible timing. But I chose to keep it. And believe me, just to be very clear - religious beliefs or guilt had nothing to do with it. I am a firm supporter of women being able to make informed decisions about their own bodies, and I respect their conscious choices, whatever they are. In my case, I chose the hard mode.
Crying is something else completely normal at this point. Out of desperation, fear, uncertainty or mere hormones, it is all fine and well. Waterworks starting at the weirdest of places is also ok - in the bus, or in the middle of the night, or just plain out of the blue as you're engaged in something entirely different. Instruct your inner circle to not mind you - it's not something they did or said; you do not need to be calmed down: you just need to pour it all out. Support from your significant other or other close people is the best you can have. Apart from a glass or three of vodka. But wait -- not now, bitch. And THIS is where you feel like killing someone for the first time in a long long run. Unless you're a smoker of course. We will return to my favorite two vices in a bit. For now, remember you are not a bad person and there is no "right" reaction to the NEWS. Ok?