A friend suggested I bitch about "50 Shades of Grey", and before I even had time to think about it, I had already exploded with word diarrhoea all over his Viber.
Seriously, I don't even know where to start. They say it's irresponsible and immature to critisise something you're not familiar with personally... but seriously? Wasting my precious time to read this book, God forbid watch the movie? What do you take me for? A college student?! So I'm in my full right to critisise it as much as I want, even if I have not read it, because believe me, I just know exactly where this is going. I am just as entitled to bitch about that shitty book as I am entitled to call all of Paulo Coehlo's books HORSESHIT, the ones that I've read, the ones I haven't, and the ones not written yet, too.
AND what is really getting me every time is the VERY SMART wordplay in the book's title... 50 shades of Grey. And the lead male is called... Grey. Get it? GET IT????? This is so old and so stupid I can't even begin to describe just how retarded it is. Like, this was old already back in the 40s when movies were black and white and could not speak. As in, today's teenagers probably come up with better wordplay while swapping folded notes in class. Or texting. Or whatever means they use these days.
Ergo, I feel perfectly entitled, based solely on my aspirations of being a thinking reading person, to critisise a book that allegedly deals with a guy named Grey who has 50 shades or wait, was that your clever joke?!?! Oh, sorry, that was the title. A book that follows this guy with the shades' adventures as he lures women to sleeping with him using hot pick-up lines such as the one on the movie poster in the theatre that reads. "Anne, (or whatever her name was), you're overthinking this". Bravo, guys, bravo! For suggesting that a woman thinking more than a minute is either a.) playing chess, or b.) overthinking it and should just stop and do whatever the asshole with the shades wants her to. Which is - surprise surprise - kinky sex with consent issues and overall, did the whole feminist thing ever even happen for that author or is he still stuck somewhere in the 60s, playing male master of the universe?
Which leads us to the fact that the things he wants women to do, things that have probably shocked and appaled and in fact secretly excited millions of Americans, are possibly things that most of us had been through in our 20s. Really? Is that all you've got?
Is that the "unspeakable"? Is that what is so hot about this movie? Don't you guys have pornhub??? I've come across articles claiming that theatre attendants have allegedly found USED CUCUMBERS in the back seats. USED. This is it. I'm out of here. I'm going to quietly vomit into my mouth and then I'll get a shot of vodka or three. You're welcome.
Seriously, I don't even know where to start. They say it's irresponsible and immature to critisise something you're not familiar with personally... but seriously? Wasting my precious time to read this book, God forbid watch the movie? What do you take me for? A college student?! So I'm in my full right to critisise it as much as I want, even if I have not read it, because believe me, I just know exactly where this is going. I am just as entitled to bitch about that shitty book as I am entitled to call all of Paulo Coehlo's books HORSESHIT, the ones that I've read, the ones I haven't, and the ones not written yet, too.
AND what is really getting me every time is the VERY SMART wordplay in the book's title... 50 shades of Grey. And the lead male is called... Grey. Get it? GET IT????? This is so old and so stupid I can't even begin to describe just how retarded it is. Like, this was old already back in the 40s when movies were black and white and could not speak. As in, today's teenagers probably come up with better wordplay while swapping folded notes in class. Or texting. Or whatever means they use these days.
Ergo, I feel perfectly entitled, based solely on my aspirations of being a thinking reading person, to critisise a book that allegedly deals with a guy named Grey who has 50 shades or wait, was that your clever joke?!?! Oh, sorry, that was the title. A book that follows this guy with the shades' adventures as he lures women to sleeping with him using hot pick-up lines such as the one on the movie poster in the theatre that reads. "Anne, (or whatever her name was), you're overthinking this". Bravo, guys, bravo! For suggesting that a woman thinking more than a minute is either a.) playing chess, or b.) overthinking it and should just stop and do whatever the asshole with the shades wants her to. Which is - surprise surprise - kinky sex with consent issues and overall, did the whole feminist thing ever even happen for that author or is he still stuck somewhere in the 60s, playing male master of the universe?
Which leads us to the fact that the things he wants women to do, things that have probably shocked and appaled and in fact secretly excited millions of Americans, are possibly things that most of us had been through in our 20s. Really? Is that all you've got?
Is that the "unspeakable"? Is that what is so hot about this movie? Don't you guys have pornhub??? I've come across articles claiming that theatre attendants have allegedly found USED CUCUMBERS in the back seats. USED. This is it. I'm out of here. I'm going to quietly vomit into my mouth and then I'll get a shot of vodka or three. You're welcome.